Asian parenting has been in the discussion lately, partly thanks to the controversial 2018 movie Crazy Rich Asians. With a lot of focus on Asian parenting come many questions, misconceptions, and criticism that are long associated with strict parenting. Asian parents are likelier to emphasize obedience and respect for authority and academic performance over self-expression and creativity.
However, if you’re concerned about learning and understanding more about Asian parenting, there’s much to discover and explore your control. This article will guide you throughout while letting you explore what Asian parenting looks like, its benefits and potential challenges, and how it has evolved.
Without further ado, let’s dive in and discover some lesser-known aspects of Asian parenting.
Why Is It Then Called ‘Toxic Parenting?’
Although Asian parenting is rooted in traditional values and can have some positive benefits, it has also been criticized for being overly strict and controlling. Some critics argue that the pressure to excel academically can lead to a lack of creativity and self-expression.
Toxic Parenting Styles
It’s important to understand that not all Asian parenting styles are identical. While some parents may practice overly strict and authoritarian methods, other styles can be as damaging.
Helicopter parenting is an over-involvement in which parents are overly involved and controlling in their children’s daily lives. This leads to an inability to allow children the independence they need to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow.
Tiger parenting is an authoritarian style where parents demand complete obedience from their children and place excessive pressure on them to excel academically. This type of parenting does not allow for any creativity or expression outside of what is required by parents, leading to feelings of unhappiness or resentment in the child.
Narcissistic parenting is a style where the parent’s needs come before their children’s. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship where the child is not allowed autonomy and must cater to the parent’s desires.
Dismissive parenting is an approach that ignores a child’s emotional needs, rarely provides praise and reinforcement, and fails to set boundaries. This type of parenting can lead to feelings of loneliness and insecurity in the child.
Passive parenting is a style where the parent does not take an active role in raising the child. This can lead to a lack of discipline and structure, preventing children from learning essential life skills or developing healthy habits. Moreover, not taking steps to protect them from other dangerous or unacceptable behaviors can place children in vulnerable situations.
Explosive parenting is an approach that involves aggressive verbal or physical outbursts from the parent. These parents often burst into rage or tears, which can lead to long-term emotional damage to the child. This behavior can create fear and anxiety in children, making them wary of expressing their opinions or working through conflicts constructively.
Identifying Early Signs of Toxic Asian Parenting
Awareness of the signs that a parent may exhibit unhealthy parenting styles is essential. This can help parents identify when to step in and take action before their children become victims of toxic Asian parenting.
Signs to look for include:
Overly Controlling Behavior
Understandably, it can be overbearing for parents to monitor their children’s activities constantly, but it is essential to remember that boundaries are healthy and necessary. If you’ve been setting too many rules and regulations or micromanaging your children’s lives, this could be a sign that you are exhibiting overly controlling behavior.
Parents who set unrealistic expectations of their children can damage their self-esteem and well-being. If you find yourself constantly pushing for perfection or expecting your child to do things beyond their capabilities, this could be a sign that you need to revise your expectations.
Lack of Communication
Communication is essential to parenting and can help children learn how to express themselves openly and honestly. If parents are not taking the time to listen to their children or have meaningful conversations, this could be a sign that their parenting style is becoming toxic.
It is usual for parents to discipline their children, but it is essential to remember that punishment should only be used as a last resort when teaching your child about consequences. If you find yourself using physical or verbal aggression too often, this could be a sign that you are becoming an overly punitive parent.
Blame and Shame
It is not uncommon for Asian parents to use blame and shame as a form of punishment. This can have devastating effects on the self-esteem and well-being of the child, leading to feelings of guilt or worthlessness. If you find yourself relying heavily on this tactic when disciplining your children, this could be a sign that you are exhibiting toxic parenting behaviors.
Speaking About Your Child with Others
It is important to remember that children should not be spoken about in a negative light, as this can cause them to feel ashamed or embarrassed. If you find yourself talking negatively about your child with others, even if it is meant as “constructive criticism,” this could be a sign that your parenting style is becoming toxic.
How to Deal with Toxic Aisan Parenting
It’s no secret that most of us have experienced toxic Asian parenting in some way. Recognizing the signs and taking steps to address them is key to ensuring your child grows up in a safe and healthy environment.
Embrace Your Child for Who They Are
It is essential to remember that your child is an individual, and it’s important to recognize and celebrate their unique qualities. This means avoiding comparisons between siblings or peers and instead focusing on encouraging their strengths. Moreover, parents can teach self-love, and providing unconditional love and support to your children can go a long way in helping them develop healthy self-esteem.
Set Clear Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries helps ensure your child knows what is expected and unacceptable behavior. Establishing appropriate rules and expectations can help provide structure for your child while also encouraging their independence.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Having open, honest conversations with your children can help them feel comfortable communicating with you about any issues or problems they might face. This can allow them to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism.
Get Help for Changing Your Attitude
Recognizing and changing toxic behaviors can be challenging, especially if they are deeply ingrained in your parenting style. If you struggle with shifting your approach, seeking professional help or attending a parenting program may be beneficial. These resources can provide helpful strategies for developing a more positive attitude toward parenting.
Be in The Know of What’s Not Normal
It’s essential to be aware of what is and isn’t considered normal in parenting. If you feel overwhelmed or frustrated with your children, this could be a sign that you need to revise your expectations. Understanding their needs and capabilities can help ensure they receive the best possible care from you as a parent.
Remembering parenting takes time and patience, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you find yourself struggling. Taking the time to slow down and being mindful of how your actions and words may affect your child can help prevent unnecessary conflict in the long run.
Adapt Positive Parenting Styles
Lastly, it is important to remember that many positive parenting styles are available. Authoritative parenting, for example, is a popular style of parenting that combines firm boundaries with communication and love. Broaden your horizons by researching other methods and find what works best for you and your child. This can help ensure that your child grows up feeling supported and loved.
By recognizing the signs of toxic Asian parenting behaviors and taking steps to address them, you can ensure that your children receive the best possible care from you as a parent.
Video Credits: brownfireball
FAQs Related to Asian Parenting
How to Deal with Asian Toxic Parents?
The best way to deal with toxic Asian parents is to try and counsel them, if possible. Advising professional help or a parenting program can also provide helpful strategies for developing a more positive attitude toward parenting.
Why do Asian Parents Compare their Children to Others?
Many Asian parents compare their children to others to motivate them. This behavior, however, can have lasting negative consequences on a child’s self-esteem and development.
How Do I Change My Parenting Style?
Changing your parenting style can be difficult, but it is possible with patience and dedication. Researching different methods and adapting positive parenting styles can help ensure your child feels supported and loved.
Find Your Way Out of Toxic Asian Parenting!
It can be challenging to recognize and change toxic behaviors, but by implementing some of the strategies above, you can ensure that your child receives a safe and supportive upbringing. Remember, parenting was never meant to be easy,y but with patience and the right approach, it can be a rewarding experience. The key is to provide love, structure, and guidance without sacrificing your child’s individuality.
With these tips in mind, you can find your way out of toxic Asian parenting and create an environment where your children feel safe enough to express themselves and reach their full potential.
Written by: Maryam
BA Early Childhood Education with Psychology